Office Blog

Rumors

2007-10-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

I heard that a merger is happening. I'll believe it when I see it, America.

New Neighbors

2007-09-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

That guy Jack Johnson, the singer, just started working here. I guess his singing isn't paying the bills anymore, so he just got a regular day job. He seems nice enough, but on Tuesday he wore sandals to work. It was pretty inappropriate for the office, but no one gave him a hard time, since it's pretty clear his hopes and dreams are in the shitter. I mean, it would be great to have the luxury to just go sing all the time and whatever, but most of us have kids to feed and put through college. Good luck, new guy, you're gonna need it.

Advice

2007-07-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

I could really use some good advice right now. (This is in regards to the amount of sneezing I am doing.)

Weekend

2007-07-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

The office is really quiet right now. Except for the sound of a dog pushing a basketball in a stroller down the hall.

Supplies

2007-06-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

A bunch of people have been asking me to order supplies for them. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Also, if you accidentally look at porn at work, does that count?

Jesus Christ

2007-05-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm really having problems with my wife right now.

In the future

2007-04-25T14:17:00.001-07:00

Everyone will be forced by the government to have at least one gay marriage. I am not making this stuff up.

What should I do?

2007-04-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Blogger has not been flagging this blog as one of it's best blogs. Oh, shit, I gotta go. (Lunch.)

The Worst Thing About Work

2007-04-17T13:12:00.001-07:00

Not knowing where your next meal is coming from.

Uh-oh.

2007-04-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

I think someone in my office is going to get divorced.

Topical

2007-04-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

Here is what Don Imus must have said when he heard he was being fired for being a racist (also, he is at a diner):

"Give me some coffee, sweetheart, and make it nappy-headed."

Everyone else: "IMUS!!!"

Correction: Yesterday I said that the guys who hand out free N.Y. Posts are clearly District Court judges, but I meant Circuit Court judges. They clearly are judges in Circuit Courts.

Free NY Post

2007-04-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

What is with the guys who hand out free New York Posts? It is clear to everyone that these are district court judges, so what do they get out of it? Am I MISSING something?

Kids Laughing At Me

2007-04-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

Some people were laughing at me today, I think because I was reading the Metro. Here's a question: when you take a Metro from a guy, and another guy then tries to give you an AM New York, what is that second guy thinking? "Here, you don't look like you have enough of that to read, why don't you take two of that, only somehow worse." Is that what you are thinking AM New York guy? Or are you thinking, "It is my job to get rid of these papers. I don't care about how much this asshole, or any asshole, wants to read."

Bed Head

2007-04-06T08:29:00.001-07:00

There is a guy in the office with bed head. I think I might have to tell the boss about this.

No Allman Bros. Today

2007-04-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

There are no Allman Brothers contests going on today.

Allman Brothers

2007-04-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure there is an Allman Brothers concert going on outside my office. Wait...wait...there is.

You Know What?

2007-01-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

I just realized those lyrics are not at all correct. I can't believe I self-published that!

Lyrics of the Day

2006-12-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

"All I need, is a red red rose, three guitars, and a mouse." - U2, All Along the Watchtower

You Gotta

2006-12-18T14:35:00.000-08:00

You gotta hand it to the people who work directly around me: they may be noisy, but they really do care about their pets and kids.

Office Party

2006-12-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

Did EVERYONE else in the office get invited to the office party except me???

Not Sure

2006-12-11T14:33:00.000-08:00

There is a guy in my office who has a toaster at work and is always toasting things at his desk. How do I get in on this action?

Workin'

2006-12-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

Try to figure out this sentence: When you tape tape to tape you get a big old mess.

Tape is a noun and a verb.

A Great Song to Work To

2006-12-04T13:07:00.000-08:00

The High Fidelity soundtrack.

These New Interns Give me the Creeps

2006-12-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

One of them has three eyes.

Phone

2006-11-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

I wish crazy people would stop calling me all day.

The Fax Machine Here is Great

2006-11-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

I just received a good number of faxes, of standard quality. You could fax a golf ball through a hose on this baby. I'll keep you posted.

Attn: Bums

2006-11-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

This blog is not for you!

Work is Too Hard Today

2006-11-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

Work is much too hard today. I think I'll quit and start a new job tomorrow.